My sadness has been carried with me for many a year. Every year it seems to wallow in my heart, tears are hard to control as they run down my curvy face. My source of sadness probably stems from many years of being physically and emotionally abused by my parents, it was a cycle I could never escape, it grew on me, it was something I craved and still crave. I’m attracted to emotional abusers, I can’t seem to escape the vicious cycle I’m in. It’s tiring to cry so much, one would’ve thought that one only has so many tears, though 30 odd years proved the contrary. I’m lost hear alit like Alice in Wonderland, going down the spiral of a rabbit hole.
I’ve never understood why people cut their own cords, but it’s easy to understand now. The pain and heartache that sadness brings cuts like a sharp knife, leaving the scar to bleed out, the only way to stop that bleeding is to take your own life.
People that are left behind always say that it’s selfish for someone to take their own life and yes in many ways it rings true especially if you leave loved ones behind. But I understand that sadness, I can relate to why people do it. Sadness is a heavy burden to carry for the rest of your life.
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